Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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