Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize