I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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