she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
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All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
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We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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