Hey man sorry I got all grabby
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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