First date: that requires underwear, huh?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Drake has all the answers
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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