Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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