We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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