I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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