I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize