Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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