Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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