I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Watching her eat just hurts me
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize