I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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