He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
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he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
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Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize