Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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