its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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