I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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