Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
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Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
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But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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