Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
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My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
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I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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