I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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