Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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