I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize