drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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