Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize