hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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