I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize