I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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