so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
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She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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