and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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