new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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