just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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