but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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