I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
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Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
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Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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