we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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