I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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