Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
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you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
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Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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