the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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