I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize