I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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