walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize