That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
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just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
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you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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