Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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