dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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