I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
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