I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize