she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Lo siento on account of my penis...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize