My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
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After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
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She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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