I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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