Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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